the support of families...

i have really seen it this week,since you all knowi came home early from our hol in france aaand gosh it has been harder than i thought it would be.nw i want to explain hw much i love my family bt i want to go on to explain hw bad i feel for evr doubting the amazingness of them all.and to explain what a terrible person i am for wanting myparents to dissappear sometimes.aha i have realised though that i dnt want them to disspappear,there is nothing like silence i tell you,when there in the room or in the house and there quite or in bed and its silent,oh gawsh you have no idea what it really is until there is noone in the house,nw that silence is on a differet lvl an evil,lingering nothingness,hw can it sound so different i have no idea bt its weird and sad, and me dnt like it lol.bt people are here nw so the silence has little breaths that obviously make some difference lol.bt they werent hre in the week and i was alone and i was scared shitless,had a wee little panick there at one point,calmed dwn by crying myself to sleep lol,i think part of the problem there was that i was actually really tired and that hightened everything cz i was almost delerious with my tiredness so didnt no what day it was nvr mind hw to breath through i creaking door!!
bt there have been people there for me,for one my cousin lovely cousin you no the one i go on bout all the time lol,who i realise nw i am going to miss all to much when she leaves for her uni yr abroad.she was there for me though,when i had that tough night she talked with me into the nght and made everything o.k.then her mum called the nxt day to chat and keep me company for a while,so it was nice.
nw the sister is back though lolling on the sofa and eating pasta,i swear when shes home she has toritilini every day,sometimes with smokied slamon,sometimes with tom sauce,sometimes with pesto bt always tortilini lol.
and i nw appreciate the family much mre,hmm i dnt knowactualy i always did,i think i appreciate the fact that when they get to me like i could nvr imagine i dnt wantto leave or want them to,mreof a cant i jst click my fingers and u go for and hr or so then come back and gvie me a big hug kinda thing...what the cnt be done,hhhh hw dare you!!